I so sorry for your loss. It is never easy losing one of our beloved pets. If you are on Reddit, there is a subreddit where you can request portraits of your pets that have passed on. Maybe you can have one created with both of your beloved Basenjis. https://www.reddit.com/r/RainbowBridgeBabies/comments/b21pu0/how_to_request_and_about_us/
Still Not Over Timmy
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Give him time to grieve and then maybe start attending events, meet other basenji owner and families with basenjis so he can see that maybe those changes you have told him about really can work. Also, maybe he will find that others will forgive him, if he can just forgive himself.
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It saddens me to read your post, how can you not share your life with another Basenji? Don't think of it as replacing one dog with another, you can never replace a dog. But you can find another to love in honour of the one that is gone. When I lost this Basenji http://members.shaw.ca/disnard/index.htm I never thought I would get another as quickly as I did but when I saw this Basenji http://basenjis.homestead.com/billy.html on the BRAT site there were far too many coincidences involved to ignore. I HAD to get that dog. Sometimes dogs happen to you, and I firmly believe that Sunny sent Billy to me to love in his honour; he knew I could, and should, love him.
And please don't think that you are not "worthy" of another Basenji, I agree with your husband that what happened to Timmy could have and should have been avoided, but the bottom line is that it happened and it COULD happen to a Basenji "professional" as well. Learn from what happened to Timmy, don't beat yourself up about it. Things like that could happen to small yappy breeds too. I think your husband will come around, everyone grieves in their own time frame.
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It's necessary to grieve, but another dog can certainly help in the healing process. When we lost our last boy, we were not planning on another dog…...but six months later one "happened" to us, and we adopted him. We have never regretted it. He certainly doesn't "replace" our much loved first boy, but he fills a hole in our lives and has brought his own unique personality to our home. Now we would be lost without him!
Guilt can eat you up. Deal with it and move on. Everyone makes mistakes, but some pay a higher price than others. For every tragedy, there are so very many near misses. Nobody here will judge you as harshly as you judge yourselves. I hope you find the right match to bring joy back into your lives and a home to a deserving Basenji.
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Time heals… accidents happpen.... as said, deal with the grief and try to move on... I think that you and your family is a great home for a Basenji and I hope that time heals and he can forgive himself... as it was just as it was, an accident. They can and do happen to everyone in some way or fashion.
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I think getting another basenji, or dog, is a way of honoring those gone before. But grief has its own timetable for each individual. Hopefully you will have another basenji someday, or maybe a basenji mix who just needed a home. And that new pup will help your family heal. Basenjis are powerfully addicting. And once you've found your breed, it would be hard to replace it with another breed. I don't think anyone reading your post from today would doubt your love and commitment to a new basenji.
I've always been a dog person. But whenever someone asks me if I'm a dog or a cat person, I reply "well, I have basenjis, so I'm not really sure."
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Your story and Giza1's have got me in tears here.
I suffered the loss of my dearest pet shortly before we got Kipawa. For me, Kipawa (means 'gift' in Swahili) was a 'gift' sent to us by Barney. No animal you have loved can be replaced, but I knew my Barney would have wanted me to give the love I gave to him to another pet.
In time your husband will complete his grieving process - it can take a bit of time for some people. At some point in the future he will be comfortable to look at basenjis again and think of adding one to the family. Patience and understanding on your part will help him.
Hugs to all of you.
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Jessica,
I feel your pain.
I just lost my beautiful Classy.
I lost my first basenji to a car back in 1979
She was only 1 and a half.It takes a while to get over the grief and
the guilt involved. I was a wreak for over a year beforeI got another pup.
It was a good thing I had another basenji at the time.I would have gone mad.
Give yourself some time to heal and then allow yourself to get another B.
I will be praying for you.
I also have a Timmy,he is Classy's son.The light of my life.Kathryn
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It saddens me to read your post, how can you not share your life with another Basenji? Don't think of it as replacing one dog with another, you can never replace a dog. But you can find another to love in honour of the one that is gone. When I lost this Basenji http://members.shaw.ca/disnard/index.htm I never thought I would get another as quickly as I did but when I saw this Basenji http://basenjis.homestead.com/billy.html on the BRAT site there were far too many coincidences involved to ignore. I HAD to get that dog. Sometimes dogs happen to you, and I firmly believe that Sunny sent Billy to me to love in his honour; he knew I could, and should, love him.
And please don't think that you are not "worthy" of another Basenji, I agree with your husband that what happened to Timmy could have and should have been avoided, but the bottom line is that it happened and it COULD happen to a Basenji "professional" as well. Learn from what happened to Timmy, don't beat yourself up about it. Things like that could happen to small yappy breeds too. I think your husband will come around, everyone grieves in their own time frame.
Thank you, Joanne, for sharing your story with me. I am happy that you are living a happy new chapter with Billy. Your story is very inspiring, perhaps I will share it with Jason after I give him some more time.
*Hugs,
Jessica
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Thank you for your encouraging words. I guess I should haven't used the word replace, because I do realize that it just can't happen. At the time I got into that fight with my mom, it felt like she was, in not so many words, saying to "replace" Timmy, and there were emotions going wild and I just didn't want to hear of getting another dog. But I am open to it now, just have to get the hubster on board. I know not a lot of time has passed since losing
Timmy, I just have to be patient.
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timmy will never be replaced. life goes on. you will always remember him and the wonderful two weeks you had with him. unfortunately, you learned a hard lesson.. basenjis are fast, escape artists. i almost lost my boy 2 days after i got him. he has horrible seperation anxiety. the first twenty minutes i left him alone, he escaped onto my balcony, ate threw the screen and jumped a whole floor down to the ground. SO many things could have gone wrong. i learned my lesson. i'm so lucky to have him here. what happened to timmy is not uncommon. basenjis are just two smart and too fast for their own good.. don't give up on your hisband. let him mourn. just reassure him it wasn't his fault and it could have happened to anyone. my prayers are with you and your family. you'll find the right dog at the right time.
