Courtroom funnies

These are transcripts taken from actual court questioning….

  • Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"
  • Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask."
  • Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?"
  • Witness: "Er…his face."
  • Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man–"
  • Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."
  • Lawyer: (realizing he was on the verge of asking a stupid question) "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."
  • Lawyer: "What is your marital status?"
  • Witness: "Fair."
  • Lawyer: "When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?"
  • Other Lawyer: "Objection. That question should be taken out and shot."
  • Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
  • Witness: "No."
  • Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
  • Witness: "No."
  • Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
  • Witness: "No."
  • Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
  • Witness: "No."
  • Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
  • Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
  • Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
  • Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
Houston

oh, how funny…brainless lawyers..some that is.

:D:D:D:D Brilliant, i love the mask and autopsy one

I'll have to copy this and send it to my oldest niece - she's a DC lawyer 🙂

If you would like something fun to give her, there is a book on the market called Disorder in the Court that contains some of these and many more. 😃

I'm happy y'all enjoyed this.

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