I like Maya. 🙂
Oba needs a new name
-
I don't think anyone is trying to say "You aren't capable of this".
Let's be honest, there's no denying that having the resident dog have surgery and then introducing a new dog almost right away is just not the best timing. -And I think that's all anyone is really saying here.
If you ask for advice, people with experience are going to give you their experiences and opinions. There is almost no better advice…ie, take it from the people who know who have been there. And you have to know that not all advice is going to be what you want to hear. Take it with a grain of salt. Our group has YEARS of experience- health, training, breeding... it's a really great resource that you should trust. I don't agree with every opinion on this message board, but that's okay. We can agree to disagree.
Sounds like you all have your mind made up that you're going to go through with this new dog regardless of what's offered. We're here for you either way.
-
I agree with BDawg – we just want to help you make sure you feel you are making the right choice.
-
Gosh..I haven't posted on this issue of getting the second dog because at this moment, I only have one. (Fingers crossed that we'll be able to change that.:) ) However, I would like to make some comments on responses, hurt feelings, etc.
Although most of us have never met anyone else on this forum in person, we have this feeling of family or friendship based on a common insanely devoted love of our basenjis and the breed itself. This is a dog that often our local "face to face" friends and family members don't understand. (And maybe even think we've gone overboard about.) If one of our non-basenji forum friends asks us for advice, we have the advantage of knowing them well enough to know how much advice they really want and how to present it. Even more importantly, we have the advantage of giving the advice face to face and being able to read body language to see that they are taking it the wrong way. Even with that advantage, I know all of us have probably had the experience of giving what we thought was good and caring advice and have had the other person mistake it for criticism and/or meddling. (I know I've had my daughter tell me a time or two that I'm a know it all! :D) There are also regional differences in how advice is given and received. I discovered that when my father in law married someone from another country and she was considerably more blunt that what I was used to and my feelings were hurt a lot. Luckily, a perceptive friend pointed this out to me and things got better. This is truly a nationwide and worldwide family of friends. That is a lot of regional differences! (Down here Georgia, we know that we can get away with saying just about anything about anyone if we start or end the statement with "Bless her/his heart!".)
Some of the people on this forum have owned basenjis (often multiple ones at one time) for many, many years and some are breeders. (I fall into neither group. We have only had our one basenji, Cory, for 4 1/2 mos. But we researched and waited for the "right time" to own a B for 15 years.) I don't think any of those people mean to hurt any feelings. That isn't their intent. I think it is a case of "been there and done that" or "seen that". For the sake of your dogs, your family, and you, I think they are just trying to give you a heads up. I honestly don't think they mean to give the impression that they are insulting you. Please, please don't mistake deep concern for criticism.
Please don't stop posting on the forum. It is a great source of info and support. If it doesn't work out or if you have problems that you need help with, I don't think anyone here would say "I told you so". (And if they say "I was afraid of that"….that does NOT mean "I told you so".) If it works out great, everyone will be thrilled for you and your family.
If the people here didn't care about you and your dogs, they'd just say nothing. It wouldn't be worthy of their time and effort to give you their thoughts.
So...Hoping that everything works out and you don't go away,
Pat -
Hello All,
I wanted to start off by thanking each and every one of you for your replies. Some of you have helped us with inventive and insightful ideas. I think that even in raising your pets it is essential to hear opinions from others. I want to express my gratitude for the help that some of you have provided.However, there seems to be a reoccurring addition to the help. I want to make it apparently clear that my wife is not only fully capable to run this entire household by herself; it is something her massive heart for everything can handle. I came home from a couple weeks away and found my house swarming with the worst 5 children (plus one..Ryan is such a good son) I have ever seen. With her hero type presence she made a beautiful grassy knoll out of a miserable hell of a night. She has overcome more bull in her life that another dog in the house, regardless of age, will be but a mere ripple in the pool. My son, Ryan, is by far the most self sustaining child I have ever met. As I sit on the floor ready to play, he is fully content just having fun with his toys. He can spend hours entertaining himself, and he does it willingly (I try and play and he doesn't want Daddy to play with his toys). Between Baroo and the baby, and Buddy, our cat (who hates my wife with a passion…for some strange reason), She has succeeded time and again to the point where it looks easy as pie.
Now do not take me the wrong way, I can take criticism as much as the next person, but Becky is strong and I will not stand for anyone thinking she cannot do things. To tell you the truth, there are so many kind people on here that it amazes me how much you can really get to know and understand each other. And for those of you who think that you know it all ( for some odd reason {....}) I just have to say that, there are many kinds of advice, and I am grateful for those who understand what my wife is asking help for, but if there is anyone here that thinks they are genuinely superior because of their own experiences, than I am sorry that you have wasted your time, because until you understand fully who we are and what direction our lives take us than you cannot hope to help in any situation.I do not want any of you who have helped and given ADVICE, instead of .... the IMO's or "if I were you" s, dare I say, to think that this is directed towards you. And if I have offended you, just know that I won't be posting here, and this is in no way how Becky herself feels. Thank you for your time.
-Allan....(DH) <---I like that nickname.
Here is the bottom line to your post…. one month ago Baroo you (both you and your wife) wanted to get rid of him?.... and now you (both of you) want to bring in a second dog? And after one has just had surgery? It is obvious that whatever reason we all try to say, it is falling on deaf ears. I sure hope however that this has all been discussed with the facility that is placing Obe
-
Thank you Pat for summarizing so well the intention with which the advice in this thread has been posted.
Collectively this forum has years and years of experience in pretty much all aspects of dog ownership. Many of us have or are volunteers with rescue and have seen first hand why dogs are given up. Several of us are trainers who have seen first hand what happens when a household becomes overwhelmed by caring for their dogs. All of us are dog lovers that have our own personal experiences with our dogs. The people who are giving their advice, opinion, or sharing their experience are doing so because they want people to be set up for success.
A good introduction is often so crucial for a successful integration of a new dog into the household. When dogs are in pain they often do not show signs that are easily read by others, it is part of their evolution. But when dogs are in pain they can make negative associations with new things that they are introduced to while in pain. Stress puts everyone on edge and dogs are no different. Changes to a dog's routine adds stress, multiple changes to a routine in a short time adds up to a lot of stress on the dog and could make threshold for new things quite low. The whole "straw that broke the camel's back" type thing. These issues are not about whether someone is capable of caring for two dogs, it is about what is the right time to add a second dog so that it is a success for everyone. I am really big on setting up situations so they are most likely to be successful and sometimes that means a big dose of patience.
I think that is all anyone here is trying to say. A good dose of patience may be in order, there is no need to rush in.
-
This is the problem with electronic communications: Inflection, expression, tone, etc cannot be heard or seen and offense of some sort so often follows.
Do you ever sit and chat w/a friend about something you are planning to do and your friend asks you, "Are you sure you're up for that right now?" or "Hm, I think I'd do this differently."
That's all this is – friends who care about you and the dogs are wondering and are concerned if the current plan is the best plan.
True, there are many here who are seriously questioning the timing of bringing Oba/Bailey/Sheba home so soon after Baroo's surgery and so close to dh's leaving, esp since you also have a small child.
There will ALWAYS be people who question the decisions you make in life {trust me -- got a LOT of that when we decided to have child # 3, and 4, and 5, and 6..LOL. and when we added dog #2, and 3...}The thing is - you DO have to make the decisions that are best for YOUR family, and no one knows your family better than you. {I think folks are encouraging you to make sure you are thinking with your head and not your heart. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference}.
But please don't think that these same folks won't be here for you either way.If things go great with Oba/Bailey/Sheba we will celebrate with you.
If things don't go as smoothly as we all hope they do, we will be here to talk you through the unpleasant stuff -- you will get a wide range of advice and commentary, and all you have to do is sort through and find the advice that best suits your situation.That's one great thing about this forum -- so MUCH knowledge, such a wide variety of opinion, and so MUCH vast experience of just about every kind -- no one can say we don't have all the information we could possibly need!
I don't always agree with what is said here {I think I've been in a few discussions that weren't all sunshine and lollipops [Cesar Milan comes to mind, LOL, and behavior training, and maybe something on feeding a while back,] } , but I DO always read everything the experienced people have to say to me, absorb as much as I can, consider my lifestyle and my own opinions and experience, and go from there.
These people are SMART when it comes to this breed, so I try to leave myself open to really hear what they are saying to me. Sometimes it makes a difference –I've made some changes in feeding -- and sometimes it doesn't --I'm still a huge fan and advocate of Cesar! {sorry Querc} -- but I'm always up to listen to what these folks have to say.
-
Wow:rolleyes: The "if I where you" and the "IMO" people are trying to help, you just can't see it. I don't think for a second they're adding to this thread to belittle anyone or that they get some satisfaction from someone elses difficulty….....I know better.
Those very same people are here everyday with nothing more in mind than helping the breed they love and those that need help keeping Basenji's. If anyone thinks it's some Basenji power trip, they are mistaken. This forum was founded to educate and help people with Basenji's........those "if I where you" and "IMO" people are a big part of it.....it is what it is.I hope everything works out for Baroo and his family.
-
Ohhh my… glad we weren't involved with this posting.
-
DH here,
I am sure that you all are very passionate and understanding of most situations. However, I just want it to be known that I was really just talking to a specific person involved and didn't mean to offend or not accept the advice of the collective group. Becky has had great help from the majority, and the faulter of a particular person has been the focus of my unhappiness. Everyone elses opinions are greatly appreciated, and I want you all to know that I can not thank you enough for your sincerity. -
DH here,
However, I just want it to be known that I was really just talking to a specific person involved and didn't mean to offend or not accept the advice of the collective group.I think a Private message to this specific person may have served you better.
-
DH here,
I am sure that you all are very passionate and understanding of most situations. However, I just want it to be known that I was really just talking to a specific person involved and didn't mean to offend or not accept the advice of the collective group. Becky has had great help from the majority, and the faulter of a particular person has been the focus of my unhappiness. Everyone elses opinions are greatly appreciated, and I want you all to know that I can not thank you enough for your sincerity.I do hope that you can understand the concerns of everyone in that it has been only recently that your wife posted that Baroo was too much to handle – and yes, I do understand and appreciate that things are much better now -- and less than one month later you're bringing home another dog with "lots of energy" is "working on housetraining", and needs owners with "lots of time and energy" for her.
If not a red flag, it was at least a yellow flag and I think most felt it was worth a second thought -- for the benefit of both dogs involved and for Becky's sanity, because we all know that to own Basenjis you have to be a little crazy, and we don't to see her pushed to full-on insanity.
In the future it may be a good idea to send private messages, which you can do by right clicking on the person's name or on the little "private messages" doo-hickey in the upper right hand corner.
Gets the message delivered quickly, and the whole forum doesn't jump on in {although, sometimes the Jump-on-in discussions are good too!} -
DH here,
I am sure that you all are very passionate and understanding of most situations. However, I just want it to be known that I was really just talking to a specific person involved and didn't mean to offend or not accept the advice of the collective group. Becky has had great help from the majority, and the faulter of a particular person has been the focus of my unhappiness. Everyone elses opinions are greatly appreciated, and I want you all to know that I can not thank you enough for your sincerity.If it is me that you are talking about that is fine… As everything I have said I would say to anyone in this situation. And there has been agreement on many of the comments. I am sure the fact that I brought up about the fact that a month ago Baroo was ready to be placed.... did NOT sit well with either of you, but it is the truth. The fustration in your wife's postings were very clear and I believe we all support her in the decision to place him... and also when you both changed your mind and started giving him the attention that he needed. (and training)... Training is a two way street.. dog and human when you think about it. And now to decide to bring in another dog (and it clearly states is the write up for the 8 month shepard mix.. "someone with lots of time and engery" ... working on house training and crate training...) when you just started making progress with Baroo, in my mind is a mistake. Ask any rescue person, give them the complete history and ask them if they would place a 2nd dog with your family at this time? I am pretty sure the answer would be no, not at this time.
-
I appreciate all of your care and concern and I am definately going to consider all of your advice and work something out that will be best for everyone. I am sorry that this post has gone in the direction that it has, but I understand what you are all saying and I wouldn't have asked your opinion at all if I wasn't concerned myself and value what you all have to say. You have all made valid points, and in the end I will do what I think is best for all of us. I will repost when I have decided what will be the best move, and let you all know how things are going then. I appreciate those of you who offered positive suggestions and support, but I am going to close this thread now, as it has started a little too much friction for my tastes, and I think that is the last thing any of us needs. I didn't mean to stir up so much controversey, but I know you all are just trying to look out for our best interests.
By the way, for those of you still interested in the original topic of this thread, we have decided that we like Sheeba afterall. -
Good luck to you…I really mean that.
One more thought on this...
The most important people in my life are not just "yes men"...they can see when my judgment is clouded by emotion. We might not like what people have to say, but if you step back and look at comments objectively, you'll see that they are meant to help and to give a reality check. The senior members on this forum have HUGE EXPERIENCE...they have great advice, even if it hasn't always been what I've wanted to hear.Please...please...read lvoss' post and then read it again. To me, that is the clearest explanation as to what the danger is by rushing in.
