New here
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I would think that if you were up front with your girlfriend about the dogs, she may have let you know before moving in that she had a problem. Let me just put this thought in your head. If she seemed ok with everything untill she fealt like she had some amount of power by actualy living there, how many other things in your relationship will be ok with her untill she feels she has the power to give you an ultimatum. Now be aware that this question I pose to you is from a person who makes it clear that ANY relationship with a person comes second to my dogs. That has always been the case since even before the two I have now. I have ended relationships based on the other person not being willing to try and get along with my dogs. Just some food for though. Good luck, I know how tough this kind of situation can be.
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I was going to say something about how it's funny to ask this question to a bunch of dog-lovers (who else would participate in a forums all about their dogs). Of course we're going to defend the dogs and the routine you have established with them, because we likely have similar routines. But, this could have nothing to do with dogs and I think we'd say the same things. I can't believe she gave you an ultimatum. And that you feel so bad about this conflict. Let me rephrase that: that you've BEEN MADE to feel bad about the place your girls have in your life. You shouldn't. Stand by it and demand compromise. She might not be able to see why it is so important to you (i.e. she's not a dog person) but she should understand that it made and continues to make you happy to have that relationship with them. And likewise you should make an effort to pinpoint her problem with the situation and offer to make arrangements that would work for both of you. It needs to be completely 50/50. To be blunt, it sounds like she has you a little whipped and there isn't an equal distribution of power. How it is that she came to be in that position?
Can I ask how long this relationship has been going on?? -
Looks like we have reconsidered the living together…..we tried three months and she has her beliefs and that will not change, so now its just me and the girls again....
And your right they have given me uncondional love no matter what we have gone through and they will continue to as long as they are with me. This was an experience that they have never been faced with and for that matter for me too, I did find that not everyone is a Basenji person -
Looks like we have reconsidered the living together…..we tried three months and she has her beliefs and that will not change, so now its just me and the girls again....
And your right they have given me uncondional love no matter what we have gone through and they will continue to as long as they are with me. This was an experience that they have never been faced with and for that matter for me too, I did find that not everyone is a Basenji personSo sorry that it didn't work out… and sometimes we all think that everyone agrees with our way of loving our animals.. and sometimes people think "OK, I can make them change when I move in"... answer of course is, we can't change people, at least not "just like that"... and your doggy kids would not understand the immediate change from being bed dogs to being shut out...
I am sure it was a tough situation all the way around...
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I am sorry about the loss of your girlfriend. But….people who give ultimatums are usually not people wiling to work things out, "my way or highway" and you may have spared yourself more grief down the road.
Anne in Tampa
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Looks like we have reconsidered the living together…..we tried three months and she has her beliefs and that will not change, so now its just me and the girls again....
And your right they have given me uncondional love no matter what we have gone through and they will continue to as long as they are with me. This was an experience that they have never been faced with and for that matter for me too, I did find that not everyone is a Basenji personDid the girlfriend just move out, or do you think the relationship is over? If you really want a future with this woman, I would suggest some sort of couple's counseling. (I'm sure talking to a clergy member would be out of the question, since they probably wouldn't advocate cohabitation.) Every relationship requires compromise, and if one party isn't willing to do that, it's not going to work.
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When I moved in with my boyfriend, I brought Blaze along. At twelve years old, he has always slept in my bed no matter what. Though my boyfriend did not give me an ultimatum (I would have walked), he was not pleased about having an indoor dog. The boyfriend refused to have the dog on the bed or the couch. It had something to do with personal time… So off I went to buy Blaze a huge body pillow for in the livingroom (right next to the fireplace) and two massive, pillowed baskets (one for the bedroom and one for the office). Blaze took some getting use to, but he routinely went to lie on his furniture. About three months after we moved in, I went for a shower one night, came out and saw the boyfriend snuggling Blaze on the bed. Boyfriend was sleeping with this look of happiness, and Blaze was staring up at me with this "please help me" look.
We still have Blaze's furniture, which he uses frequently, but once in a while, he deems it appropriate to mingle with us riff-raff on the bed or couch (usually food is involved).
Pets are always learning, it depends on how you teach them. But in the end, the Basenji will always get his/her way, they are just extremely patient. -
Not sure where it will head, she has hard feelings about precious and how I let her come inbetween our relationship. What started out as a nice arrangment had already begun to change, she had told me in the begining that she was a dog person, guess not as much as me.
It has really been good to have all of the input from all of you :), they have been in my life a long time and they are a major part of my life. I was making some compromise's, but I think this would have been a bigger problem down the road.
By the way I'm in Locust Grove Ga and I will get some pictures of the girls on the site….. -
YAY!!!! We love pictures :). It sounds like you have made the decision that is right for you in your heart and soul. I commend you for that, as most often we as humans forget to listen to that part of us. Can't wait to see the pics.
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Welcome & sorry about the terrible situation you're in. It must be terribly hard to finally have a "human" to share your life with & not have her want to adjust to your already well adjusted family :(
The importance of your family routine should not be minimized simply because we're talking about dogs. We're not talking about object but live beings that have habits & routines just like humans only without words & thumbs :) Otherwise it's very logical for them to be a priority in your life.
I think asking someone to make a major change in your household is pretty critical to a relationship. What if you were living with your daughter?? And she wanted your daughter to make changes like not watch tv when both of you were watching tv ??? It would not be acceptable then either.
I hope if she really cares for you she'll be willing to accept your home as it is. A sign of true love :)
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So sorry that it didn't work out… and sometimes we all think that everyone agrees with our way of loving our animals.. and sometimes people think "OK, I can make them change when I move in"... answer of course is, we can't change people, at least not "just like that"... and your doggy kids would not understand the immediate change from being bed dogs to being shut out...
I am sure it was a tough situation all the way around...
Well said.
I'm sorry it didn't work out either…I'm sure you'll find someone who will fit in with you and your girls. Hmmm...BasenjiForumMatch.com? LOL!
Please keep us updated and please post some pics when you can! -
I can see that I have to edit my pictures, they are too big so I will work on that….basenjiforummatch.com....that was good...lol
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Well put two pictures out to view, one of each of the girls….....as far as the girlfriend there was no agreement on beliefs, we've called it quits.
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Well put two pictures out to view, one of each of the girls….....as far as the girlfriend there was no agreement on beliefs, we've called it quits.
Most likely for the best at this point… difficult as it was/is... As they say, things work out how they are meant to be.....
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I don't think it was a dog issue on her part but a control issue and you are right - there likely would have been more issues down the road.
My daughter is single and as she said with friends of either gender - if Thumper doesn't like them - they are not worth knowing (and thumper is very picky!)
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My daughter is single and as she said with friends of either gender - if Thumper doesn't like them - they are not worth knowing (and thumper is very picky!)
My husband was the first man that our family dog let me sit next to on the sofa. I knew then that he was a keeper. Most of our dogs have been good judges of character…..except for our psycho lab who had a VERY short list of people she tolerated.
Pat
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We always trust our dog's opinions of other humans, and they haven't been wrong yet!
Anne in Tampa
