Without claiming to be the dog whisperer, I had an interesting talk with the young lady at the PetSmart doggie day care today… she told me how, when Lola and Zeba were staying there full-time last week, she was very flattered that Lola wanted to be cuddled on her lap... and Sammie obliged, happily. When some of the other dogs would come over and want to show some affection to Sammie, my sweet dear basenji Lola would give a guttural snark.... not show teeth, but let these other D-O-G-S know that this human, Sammie, belonged to HER! Sammie was intuitive enough to push Lola off her lap, say "NO", and re-establish herself as the human, and Lola as the non-dominant dog.
With all that being said, we all have 20/20 vision... you KNOW what you did wrong. You've taken out the rear view mirror, and re-written history in your mind... "if I would have, would Oakley have..." Whatever your thought is, my advice is to STOP. Love your boy for being what he is. Take the lesson that you know- the next time, you won't poo-poo his behavior, you WILL address it... remember, dogs are as smart as 3 - 5 year old toddlers IF you address his behavior accordingly, all will be fine.
Explain all of this to your friend, with her basenji-fearful husband in earshot…. Many of us have irrational fears based on experiences- (we) need to understand and acknowledge these experiences, and hope that our future actions will absolve those fears.
Roos and Hugs to you!