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Wish my dogs knew how to read….

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  • The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door:

    Dear Dogs and Cats:
    The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain
    your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw
    print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it
    becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing
    in the slightest.

    The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing
    me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn?t help because I
    fall faster than you can run.I cannot buy anything bigger than a king
    sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue
    sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can
    actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep
    perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent
    possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having
    tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but
    sarcasm.

    For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by
    some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is
    not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw
    under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the
    same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years ?
    canine/feline attendance is not required.

    The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other
    dog or cat?s butt. I cannot stress this enough..

    Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on
    front door
    TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
    (1) They live here. You don?t.
    (2) If you don?t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it "fur"-niture.
    (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
    (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short,hairy, walk on all fours and don?t speak clearly.
    Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they
    (1) eat less,
    (2) don't ask for money all the time,
    (3) are easier to train,
    (4)normally come when called,
    (5) never ask to drive the car,
    (6) don't hang out with drug-using people;
    (7) don't smoke or drink,
    (8) don't want to wear your clothes,
    (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
    (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
    (11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children .

  • Although I have seen this before, it still makes me chuckle. Especially the part about the bed. My little 23 pound guy somehow manages to take up more space than seems possible. Even with his curled up tail:)

  • I DO have a secret exit from my bathroom and some day I'm going to use it. Climb out the window and go around and knock on the front door. Sort of a Mom's Practical Joke.

  • @Lenora:

    I DO have a secret exit from my bathroom and some day I'm going to use it. Climb out the window and go around and knock on the front door. Sort of a Mom's Practical Joke.

    That's just not right. :D

    Make sure you record it.

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