I talked with our friends about their first boy, he was flown down and hated the crate because of the bad experience. He'd panic and have diarrhea as well. They said it took about 4-5 months of working with him, starting out with I think a minute and very gradually increasing the time for him to be ok. Then again, they are able to have at least one person home most of the time. They've offered to exchange email or maybe phone if you wanted to talk with them.
With Loki for weeks I never even shut the door. I tried to let him scream it out, but it made him fearful of the crate so I didn't try again. Tiny baby steps, beginning with eating from my hand crate door open to me giving him his food through the bars with the door still open just so it'd take longer. Eventually I progressed to closing the door but immediately opening it so he'd barely notice it was closed before he could come out again. I'd literally add seconds to the amount of time the door would be shut so that he wouldn't begin getting worked up. If he got worked up, he would regress and we'd have to go back a few steps. I think for him it took a good 6-8 months to get him to be fine while crated, but the first few months was very slow going. I couldn't even give him a Kong with the door closed because he'd be so anxious he'd ignore it. And his crate is a size larger than it should be (if you go by the "enough room to turn around") because he still does not do well with that small of a confined space.
I became quite tan with Loki. He was a stubborn little thing with potty training. I could be outside for an hour waiting for him to go, bring him in and he'd pee on the floor. At 6 months he held his bladder and bowels for nearly 12 hours because he simply refused to go in my mother's yard (he was leashed because she does not have a fence up). I'd have to stay outside until he went, however long that took, because I knew as soon as we came in, he'd pee!
On the advice of a trainer, I put away his food bowl and hand fed him throughout the day. He didn't get any treats until about 5-6 months old (brought him home at 8 weeks). It was sort of like a NILIF thing, he'd get food throughout the day by working for it. When he pottied outside, he got some kibble; voluntarily going near, and eventually in, his crate = loads of praise and kibble. I did not have a job at the time, so it was far easier than if I had had one. He was very headstrong and did not like not getting his way so this worked very well for us…he'd have to listen or do something good to get his food (he never went a day without getting all his food, I made sure he had plenty of opportunities). Even when I transitioned to using treats for training I still fed food by hand in crate because we were still working on that.
Ava sounds much worse off and it might be a very good idea to look into sending her somewhere to do some training. Some time apart might work out well for both of you. It's very hard to remain calm when things aren't going smoothly and that's where I struggled the most with Loki.