Oba needs a new name

[lvoss]

Thank you Pat for summarizing so well the intention with which the advice in this thread has been posted.

Collectively this forum has years and years of experience in pretty much all aspects of dog ownership. Many of us have or are volunteers with rescue and have seen first hand why dogs are given up. Several of us are trainers who have seen first hand what happens when a household becomes overwhelmed by caring for their dogs. All of us are dog lovers that have our own personal experiences with our dogs. The people who are giving their advice, opinion, or sharing their experience are doing so because they want people to be set up for success.

A good introduction is often so crucial for a successful integration of a new dog into the household. When dogs are in pain they often do not show signs that are easily read by others, it is part of their evolution. But when dogs are in pain they can make negative associations with new things that they are introduced to while in pain. Stress puts everyone on edge and dogs are no different. Changes to a dog's routine adds stress, multiple changes to a routine in a short time adds up to a lot of stress on the dog and could make threshold for new things quite low. The whole "straw that broke the camel's back" type thing. These issues are not about whether someone is capable of caring for two dogs, it is about what is the right time to add a second dog so that it is a success for everyone. I am really big on setting up situations so they are most likely to be successful and sometimes that means a big dose of patience.

I think that is all anyone here is trying to say. A good dose of patience may be in order, there is no need to rush in.

[JazzysMom]

This is the problem with electronic communications: Inflection, expression, tone, etc cannot be heard or seen and offense of some sort so often follows.

Do you ever sit and chat w/a friend about something you are planning to do and your friend asks you, "Are you sure you're up for that right now?" or "Hm, I think I'd do this differently."

That's all this is – friends who care about you and the dogs are wondering and are concerned if the current plan is the best plan.

True, there are many here who are seriously questioning the timing of bringing Oba/Bailey/Sheba home so soon after Baroo's surgery and so close to dh's leaving, esp since you also have a small child.
There will ALWAYS be people who question the decisions you make in life {trust me -- got a LOT of that when we decided to have child # 3, and 4, and 5, and 6..LOL. and when we added dog #2, and 3...}

The thing is - you DO have to make the decisions that are best for YOUR family, and no one knows your family better than you. {I think folks are encouraging you to make sure you are thinking with your head and not your heart. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference}.
But please don't think that these same folks won't be here for you either way.

If things go great with Oba/Bailey/Sheba we will celebrate with you.
If things don't go as smoothly as we all hope they do, we will be here to talk you through the unpleasant stuff -- you will get a wide range of advice and commentary, and all you have to do is sort through and find the advice that best suits your situation.

That's one great thing about this forum -- so MUCH knowledge, such a wide variety of opinion, and so MUCH vast experience of just about every kind -- no one can say we don't have all the information we could possibly need!

I don't always agree with what is said here {I think I've been in a few discussions that weren't all sunshine and lollipops [Cesar Milan comes to mind, LOL, and behavior training, and maybe something on feeding a while back,] } , but I DO always read everything the experienced people have to say to me, absorb as much as I can, consider my lifestyle and my own opinions and experience, and go from there.

These people are SMART when it comes to this breed, so I try to leave myself open to really hear what they are saying to me. Sometimes it makes a difference –I've made some changes in feeding -- and sometimes it doesn't --I'm still a huge fan and advocate of Cesar! {sorry Querc} -- but I'm always up to listen to what these folks have to say.

[Basenji_Boy]

Wow:rolleyes: The "if I where you" and the "IMO" people are trying to help, you just can't see it. I don't think for a second they're adding to this thread to belittle anyone or that they get some satisfaction from someone elses difficulty….....I know better.
Those very same people are here everyday with nothing more in mind than helping the breed they love and those that need help keeping Basenji's. If anyone thinks it's some Basenji power trip, they are mistaken. This forum was founded to educate and help people with Basenji's........those "if I where you" and "IMO" people are a big part of it.....it is what it is.

I hope everything works out for Baroo and his family.

[jenwilson]

Ohhh my… glad we weren't involved with this posting.

[lovemybaroo]

DH here,
I am sure that you all are very passionate and understanding of most situations. However, I just want it to be known that I was really just talking to a specific person involved and didn't mean to offend or not accept the advice of the collective group. Becky has had great help from the majority, and the faulter of a particular person has been the focus of my unhappiness. Everyone elses opinions are greatly appreciated, and I want you all to know that I can not thank you enough for your sincerity.

[Basenji_Boy]

@lovemybaroo:

DH here,
However, I just want it to be known that I was really just talking to a specific person involved and didn't mean to offend or not accept the advice of the collective group.

I think a Private message to this specific person may have served you better.

[JazzysMom]

@lovemybaroo:

DH here,
I am sure that you all are very passionate and understanding of most situations. However, I just want it to be known that I was really just talking to a specific person involved and didn't mean to offend or not accept the advice of the collective group. Becky has had great help from the majority, and the faulter of a particular person has been the focus of my unhappiness. Everyone elses opinions are greatly appreciated, and I want you all to know that I can not thank you enough for your sincerity.

I do hope that you can understand the concerns of everyone in that it has been only recently that your wife posted that Baroo was too much to handle – and yes, I do understand and appreciate that things are much better now -- and less than one month later you're bringing home another dog with "lots of energy" is "working on housetraining", and needs owners with "lots of time and energy" for her.

If not a red flag, it was at least a yellow flag and I think most felt it was worth a second thought -- for the benefit of both dogs involved and for Becky's sanity, because we all know that to own Basenjis you have to be a little crazy, and we don't to see her pushed to full-on insanity.

In the future it may be a good idea to send private messages, which you can do by right clicking on the person's name or on the little "private messages" doo-hickey in the upper right hand corner.
Gets the message delivered quickly, and the whole forum doesn't jump on in {although, sometimes the Jump-on-in discussions are good too!}

[tanza]

@lovemybaroo:

DH here,
I am sure that you all are very passionate and understanding of most situations. However, I just want it to be known that I was really just talking to a specific person involved and didn't mean to offend or not accept the advice of the collective group. Becky has had great help from the majority, and the faulter of a particular person has been the focus of my unhappiness. Everyone elses opinions are greatly appreciated, and I want you all to know that I can not thank you enough for your sincerity.

If it is me that you are talking about that is fine… As everything I have said I would say to anyone in this situation. And there has been agreement on many of the comments. I am sure the fact that I brought up about the fact that a month ago Baroo was ready to be placed.... did NOT sit well with either of you, but it is the truth. The fustration in your wife's postings were very clear and I believe we all support her in the decision to place him... and also when you both changed your mind and started giving him the attention that he needed. (and training)... Training is a two way street.. dog and human when you think about it. And now to decide to bring in another dog (and it clearly states is the write up for the 8 month shepard mix.. "someone with lots of time and engery" ... working on house training and crate training...) when you just started making progress with Baroo, in my mind is a mistake. Ask any rescue person, give them the complete history and ask them if they would place a 2nd dog with your family at this time? I am pretty sure the answer would be no, not at this time.

[lovemybaroo]

I appreciate all of your care and concern and I am definately going to consider all of your advice and work something out that will be best for everyone. I am sorry that this post has gone in the direction that it has, but I understand what you are all saying and I wouldn't have asked your opinion at all if I wasn't concerned myself and value what you all have to say. You have all made valid points, and in the end I will do what I think is best for all of us. I will repost when I have decided what will be the best move, and let you all know how things are going then. I appreciate those of you who offered positive suggestions and support, but I am going to close this thread now, as it has started a little too much friction for my tastes, and I think that is the last thing any of us needs. I didn't mean to stir up so much controversey, but I know you all are just trying to look out for our best interests.
By the way, for those of you still interested in the original topic of this thread, we have decided that we like Sheeba afterall.

[renaultf1]

Good luck to you…I really mean that.

One more thought on this...
The most important people in my life are not just "yes men"...they can see when my judgment is clouded by emotion. We might not like what people have to say, but if you step back and look at comments objectively, you'll see that they are meant to help and to give a reality check. The senior members on this forum have HUGE EXPERIENCE...they have great advice, even if it hasn't always been what I've wanted to hear.

Please...please...read lvoss' post and then read it again. To me, that is the clearest explanation as to what the danger is by rushing in.